The My Father’s List Project

For the past few years my wife, Laura, has been finishing her late dad’s bucket list. He was killed by a distracted driver on her cell phone, and a few years later my brother-in-law found a document in his belongings titled Things I Would Like To Do In My Lifetime! There were 60 items on it and only five were marked as done. Laura had been trying to write about her dad for some time, so she decided this would be the project; she’d do all the things he didn’t get a chance to and write about the experiences. Thus, the My Father’s List project was born.

Some of the items on this list were simple: Grow a watermelon, Play the piano or guitar. Some required traveling: San Diego, St. Thomas, London, Vienna. Others were either intangible—give my children the most love, the best education and best example I can give, I would like to provide a comfortable standard of living for my family—or seemingly very impossible: Talk with the president, Speak to a TV audience.

As Laura went—and continues to go—through the list, checking things off, I’ve had the incredible fortune of tagging along. The “fortune” is manyfold. Not only have I been able to visit some beautiful new places I’d never been to before. But I’ve also watched this project turn my wife into an even bolder, more creative and more compassionate human being than she already was. When you have goals set out in front of you—in this case her dad’s became hers—the path might not always be clear, but the end is. Laura decided she would do these things and took quitting off the table. Then she did them, no matter how long or how many tries they took. Seeing that certainty and determination has been incredibly inspiring for me.

The other thing I’ve learned from watching My Father’s List unfold is that people are so incredibly generous. Friends have put Laura in touch with their connections who might be able to help; time and time again strangers have offered suggestions or asked to take part. And without fail they also get something out of the experience—a revelation about themselves or inspiration. She calls this “list magic.”

But the biggest takeaway from this project for me is the importance of living a life of intention. When you make a plan for yourself and follow through, even if it doesn’t work out (though it often does), you’re going to get something out of it and be better off for having tried. It might be rough at first, but as you go along and all the unnecessary things in your life begin to fall away, it’ll get easier. People will help you and will be inspired by you. An intentional life is, I think, what we all want. We just don’t know how to find it. Here are a few small steps to start off with:

  • Create your own bucket list and try to check something off of it every month
  • Set a large annual goal and smaller ones throughout the year to help you achieve it.
  • Develop a mindfulness practice
  • Eliminate the physical and emotional clutter from your life
  • Get inspiration from others who are already doing it
  • Go easy on yourself. Like anything else, shifting to intentional living will be new and take time to make a regular practice)

Here are a few resources to help: